


It’s a Bird!  It’s a Plane!  It’s a...Startrain?

by FaithAndATypeWriter



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Comedy, Episode: s03 Startrain, Hal Done Wrong, Mentioned Dick Grayson, Mentioned Teen Titans, Mistakes, Misunderstandings, Poor Adrien Too, Poor Aquaman, Spoilers, i think it's funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:53:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25979275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaithAndATypeWriter/pseuds/FaithAndATypeWriter
Summary: There's trouble in the Watchtower: Green Lantern's annoyed, Wonder Woman's furious, and Aquaman...desperately needs to find his happy place.
Comments: 48
Kudos: 539





	It’s a Bird!  It’s a Plane!  It’s a...Startrain?

“Hey, Bruce!” Green Lantern called as Batman and some of the others entered the Watchtower command center. “You have to help me out, we keep getting  _ the same _ prank calls from Paris!”

Batman scowled. “Prank  _ calls _ ? As in multiple?”

Green Lantern rolled his eyes. “Not just multiple--scores! It must be some kind of celebrity attraction or something. They’ve got this butterfly-themed, purple guy sending out weird ‘monsters’ that some peppy teenagers defeat. They’ve been on celebrity talk shows and have blogs writing about it. The problem is that people keep calling in requesting that the Justice League offer aid. Even the mayor and the two teen heroes have called in! It’s nuts! What do they think we’re going to do?!  _ Guest star _ on one of their stupid shows?!”

Flash shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind doing a guest spot if there’s a charity contribution or something.”

Batman and Wonder Woman shared a glance. Batman went to the computer and brought up the log of help requests from Paris and the related topics. The requests related to this...Hawkmoth was staggering. 

“Hal,” Wonder Woman asked, “this seems rather extreme for a prank. Are you so sure the claim isn’t valid?”

Green Lantern scoffed. “Paris is fine! Despite reports, the Eiffel Tower is still standing, there are no mummies surrounding the Louvre, and the gargoyles on the Notre Dame are all accounted for and have not attained sentience and are striking back at the city. Though I’m sure if they had, Bats here would just add them to his colony back in Gotham.”

That earned him an unamused glare. 

“I swear, if there is actually a cat-boy and ladybug superhero duo protecting Paris, I’ll clean the Titian’s Tower bathrooms for a month!” he added. 

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say because both Wonder Woman and Aquaman reared back in surprise and—in Aquaman’s case—horror. 

“Come on, guys, their bathrooms can’t be that bad! Besides, it’s not like—”

“The Ladybug and the Black Cat Miraculouses have been activated and you didn’t think that warranted concern!” Wonder Woman exclaimed. 

“This is bad!” Aquaman looked extremely distressed. 

“You two can’t be serious?!” Green Lantern looked at them askance. “Miraculous? Come on, knock it off--you already saw the blog and you’re putting me on! Right?”

Wonder Woman glared at him and looked ready to turn the argument into a physical fight. “The Order of the Miraculous is an ancient order dedicated to preserving balance in the world, my own mother is a former wielder of the Ladybug Miraculous! The Order has not been heard of for nearly two centuries and was thought lost when they did not respond to the call of duty during all that time. The Ladybug and the Black Cat are the most powerful of all the Miraculous—and you say they are fighting a butterfly? That is most likely another Miraculous! If it has fallen into the wrong hands it could spell disaster for the entire world! And if the  _ Ladybug and Black Cat _ fall into the wrong hands?! Combined, their forces can grant a wish that could change reality as we know it, but at a price! The effects of either could be horrifying!”

“Just the kwami of the Black Cat alone is a fearsome force!” Aquaman cried in fear. “Plagg the Destroyer was responsible for the sinking of Atlantis! We have to do something about—oh kelp! You said they called?! Please for the love of all the oceans tell me you didn’t hang up on the Black Cat?! Y-you didn’t tell him I was there, did you?! Atlantis can’t take another sinking incident! Water is fine, we’ve made it our own, but any farther and we’ll be in the Earth’s crust! I can’t make magma work for my people, Hal!”

Batman raised his hand for silence while Martian Manhunter tried to calm Aquaman. 

“This is no time to panic, Arthur,” Batman said, “we need to plan how we will respond to Paris and repair damages—”

“Don’t tell me you believe this hogwash!” Green Lantern exclaimed, ducking when Wonder Woman went to punch him. 

“I’ve heard tell that the wielders of the Black Cat tend to have a propensity for puns...” Aquaman mused. “Perhaps I can utilize this to Curry favor...”

“Not unless you plan on telling them your full name.” Martian Manhunter reminded. 

The heroes dissolved into arguments while Wonder Woman berated Hal and challenged him to a duel for insulting her mother’s allies. Aquaman was rambling incoherently and Flash was taking the opportunity to check the old backlogs of help requests while Batman tried to get everyone back to order. 

A moment later, Flash gasped so loudly it caught everyone’s attention. 

“Ah, guys?! You’re gonna to want to see this!” Flash shouted. 

Everyone turned to him--some rather crossly--only to drop their jaws as a train shot past the Watchtower. All the Tower’s alarms went off and they could just make out some civilians being herded into the back of the car by...

“Clark?” Batman asked. 

“Cat boy and ladybug girl confirmed sighting.” Superman said automatically. 

“Still look like a prank to you?!” Wonder Woman said crossly. 

“Superman, Martian Manhunter, fly after the train and offer assistance! That thing—”

“Formerly the Startrain, bound to London from Paris.” Flash informed from his station at the computer. “They’re moving fast, Bruce, they’ve already cleared the moon!”

“I don’t care if they are magic, I’m not trusting that the transformed Startrain can support life in space! Let alone the civilians handle travel at that speed and under these conditions!” Batman declared. “Get going! Wonder Woman, you and I are following with emergency space transports and I need you to fill me in on what you know. Aquaman—”

“I will prepare the offering!” Aquaman said determinedly. “I think I can get a truck of camembert cheese in time, but I doubt that will be enough to appease the Plagg...perhaps he will take it as a down payment as a show of good faith?”

Wonder Woman looked strangely excited. “This is wonderful! I never thought I would meet another Ladybug!”

“Wonderful! This is terrible!” Aquaman lamented. “I’m not sure if I can get all the cheese past customs in time and I’m not sure my diplomatic immunity extends to cheese! They might think I’m doing something weird or hiding something illegal! And have you ever tried to get the smell out of your super suit! It’s impossible!”

“That explains a lot.” Superman muttered. “I just thought it was the fish...”

“Guys, the train is halfway to the asteroid belt!” Flash warned. 

“Disperse!” Batman commanded. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Green Lantern stopped short. “Where do you think?! To stop a runaway space train!”

“No,  _ we _ are stopping the train.” Batman corrected with a glare. “ _ You _ have a month’s worth of cleaning the Titan’s bathrooms to get started on. I’ll inform Dick you’re on your way. I understand it’s taco night.”

Green Lantern stared at him--jaw slack and eyes wide. Batman’s stern countenance didn’t falter and--very slowly--Green Lantern turned away and began his reluctant walk to the zeta tubes.

“And Hal?” Batman called. 

“What?” Hal said dejectedly. 

“I just heard from Agent A.” Batman had a hand to his ear and was obviously listening to a message. “He wanted me to pass along that he is severely disappointed and he hopes you’ve learned a thing or two.”

Green Lantern curled in on himself and continued on his way to the zeta tubes and Titian’s Tower.

  
  


*****

  
  


Alerts for suspicious activity by the river had Parisians either gawking at the banks or retreating as far away as they could. Ladybug and Cat Noir landed beside each other, ready for battle, only to almost drop their weapons in shock as they watched Aquaman direct a caravan of Atlantian transports out of the Seine. 

Aquaman took notice of them almost immediately and bowed deeply. 

“Noble Ladybug and Cat Noir!” Aquaman greeted. “Please accept this offering as a show of Atlantis and the Justice League’s sincere regret for dismissing your calls to arms!”

Ladybug and Cat Noir both just stared at him. 

“Though the offering be meager, please accept this as a sign of our respect and in the hopes of a new beginning in between our peoples.” Aquaman nodded and the first vehicle was opened—wait, were those Atlantians wearing gas masks? Why would they be wearing gas masks?!

As soon as the doors opened, the gawking crowds reared back and covered their noses as mounds of camembert cheese spilled from the vehicle. 

Ladybug whimpered as she covered her nose, debating pulling out her rebreather. Cat Noir, on the other hand, looked about ready to be knocked over by a dastardly feather. 

“It has not escaped our memory that Plagg the Destroyer favored this delicacy.” Aquaman said, pleased with himself, if nervous. “May it be enjoyed in good health...and not in the further sinking of any civilizations.”

Cat Noir slapped his palm to his face. “This is going to go to his head, I swear! I am never going to be able to explain this much cheese to my father! I’ll never live this down! Plagg’s going to make me call him the Destroyer and dress me like an Asgardian! This is going to go to his head, that’s all there is to it! This is going to go to his head...”

Still stunned and not sure what to do with either an anxious Atlantian king or a tormented Kitty, Ladybug settled for patting Cat Noir on the shoulder. “Um...I guess our request went through? I know people say to be careful what you wish for, but…”

They watched as Aquaman directed another vehicle out of the Seine, smiled and gave them a thumbs up when more camembert was unveiled. Cat Noir could almost _feel_ Plagg's smug excitement...while Ladybug only shared a sense of exasperation from Tikki.

“One day we really have to ask what Plagg did to Atlantis that generations later he’s still got a grown man prattling to his whims.” Ladybug said and Cat Noir nodded his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Just want to say, I have nothing against Green Lantern (I really don’t know all that much about the Lanterns) but Maribat fanfic trends have largely portrayed him as The Culprit behind ignoring the Miraculous Team’s calls for help. And from what I know, Hal Jordan’s known for being confident and cocky, so...sorry, Hal.
> 
> Any science inaccuracies are completely my fault--remember, science is great but I know more of sci-fi than of sci-real.


End file.
